It’s not like I’m obsessed or anything. It’s like a hobby, watching Adam is my hobby. It distracts me from the ugly things in my life. The softening edges of my used-be friends, the classes preparing me for my destiny, my father’s continued distance.
The sadness swirls around me in a form I can almost touch; sometimes I want to draw it into me, to let it engulf me, to surrender myself to it and drift away. Usually I fight it.
Danny helped. His hug was a searing flame of happiness that I could feel for over a week.
Adam’s soft thanks for helping him, for bringing him home.
I’m anchored now away from it, but. I can see that Adam is not going to survive. It’s as if being so close to the veil has revealed some things with perfect clarity, we are just playing a game with a fixed ending. None of us are destined to survive, if surviving even counts.